An endless swirl of repeating thoughts, aging and aging and aging until my heart is racing, my breath is shallow, and it feels like electricity is pulsing through my veins. my mind becomes my own worst enemy. overthinking, obsessive analysis of every possible outcome, fixated on the worst ones. replaying everything I said and judging myself, always my own worst critic. this battle with anxiety has led me to try so many things in the pursuit of escape and release from the constant spiral I find myself in. always searching. I’ve tried so many meds but the side effects never outweigh the benefits. constantly grasping at hope, searching for a cure, but the thoughts around taking the medication end up giving me more anxiety. A double-edged sword, it cuts me deeply no matter which way I turn.